Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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