Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
