What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
