Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
