this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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