I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
