i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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