Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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