turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
