it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
