you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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