i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
