There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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