Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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