About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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