Nicole vs. Life
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
