They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
