I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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