saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
babies were throwing up all over the place
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
