You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
