Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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