WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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