I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
