You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
