mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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