Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
