Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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