Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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