We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
