A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
