hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
