2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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