i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
