So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
