I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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