My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
