I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
one might say we're banned from that church
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
