After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
