i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
