What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
