ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
