I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
