my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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