There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
