I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
