He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
