Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
