A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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