This dress was meant to end up on your floor
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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