smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
