apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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