You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
