i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
