New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
