At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
