i wish peter jackson would direct porn
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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