Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
