you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
