Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
